The Woe of Aftermath
by A Darker Shade of Bright
Summary: Remus and Tonks are more alike than they know, and when Sirius dies they begin to find healing in one another's arms. Rated for strong sexuality. COMPLETE!
1. Grimmauld Place

Despair and Desire  
  
By inez stanley  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters; I love them, but I do not own them... you think Rowling will give them to me if I write her a letter elucidating the severity of my affection to such a degree that she will be forced to concede? Hmmm... worth a try...  
  
By the way, this story is Lupin/Tonks; so if you are in any way appalled or offended (not that you would be, but some people have there ideas of how things should be, and if they don't have their way, they get angry), don't read it. Otherwise, enjoy, and please review!   
  
Chapter 1: Grimmauld Place  
  
Tonks rang the doorbell. She stood there outside the door of the great mansion, once glorious and magnificent, now dilapidated and forsaken. And speaking of dilapidated and forsaken, she thought to herself, here approached the footsteps of the man she had come to see.   
  
Remus, throughout his unbearable agony and heartache in the past month, had remained... there was no other word for it... strikingly gorgeous. Her breath almost caught in her throat as she caught sight of him, his robes even more loose than they had been the last time she had seen him, his hauntingly beautiful eyes if possible even more hollow. Why, why did she ever allow herself to begin to feel this way?   
  
She remembered the first time she had seen him. He had been visiting the Ministry, in her first few days as a full fledged Auror just over a year ago. He was meeting with Kingsley Shacklebolt, and the two of them were having a conversation with Arthur Weasley. It was before she had joined the Order- in fact, it was a few days before she had heard about the Order. She had been sitting at her desk, working quietly and feeling thoroughly bored at having to read the large stack of files her superiors had thrown upon her desk. And he- somewhat slight and forlorn looking, had come up to her and asked where Shacklebolt might be found. The first thing she had noticed about him apart from his appearance was how kind his voice was. It was the kind of voice that one could listen to and feel as though everything was right with the world, even though his sorry state and his plaintive amber eyes suggested otherwise. And the second thing she had noticed was that he seemed weary beyond anyone she had ever seen- as though he had struggled for so long against something that he was powerless to fix; as though he would have liked nothing better than to curl up into the most comfortable position he could muster and sleep for the rest of eternity, but there was something, a nagging, menacing something that wouldn't give him a moment's rest.   
  
She had since found out the source of his agony. And now that she knew he was a werewolf, perhaps because she had learned that he was a werewolf, her affection for him, her delight in his company (as rare as she had the pleasure of being in it), had escalated to a kind of frenzied desire she couldn't place, could barely recognize, but knew enough of her feelings to understand that it was desire nonetheless. There was something so delicate about him, so pure and perfect, and it made her heady to think that underneath that gentlemanly exterior he concealed...  
  
"Hello, Tonks." His voice was harsh and broken as he greeted her, and she was forced to discontinue this train of thought. "Come in?" Polite as ever, he ushered her in with a flourish just before Mrs. Black began her cries of agony. Remus seemed unruffled at this annoyance, and she knew that he must have heard it often enough to ignore it with relative ease. She joined him as he walked over to the portrait and helped him to close the curtains surrounding the screaming woman's face.  
  
When they had completed this routine chore, neither of them having said a word past the initial greetings, Remus mindlessly touched a hand to the small of Tonks's back and led her silently downstairs to the kitchen.  
  
As he did this, and although Remus did not notice it, Tonks felt her heart rate increase dramatically at his touch. His arm was now around her. She shivered, resisting the urge to lean into his embrace, and finally he left her to walk over to the stove and put on the hot water. She sat down at the table.   
  
"Anything to drink? Coffee? Tea?" he asked, his voice still cold and miserable. She wanted nothing more than to stride across the room then and there and embrace him, console him. But she became aware a moment later that he had just asked her a direct question, and she would have to find it in her to answer him somehow.  
  
"Tea, please." Her own voice came out a bit breathy, for which she cursed herself. If only she were a bit less clumsy with her emotions, she might be able to get a hold of herself. Damn, she thought. I came here for a reason. Kingsley sent me here for a reason... Oh. To tell him...  
  
"Kingsley said he couldn't come tonight."  
  
"That's just as well. I'm not really fit for company."  
  
A part of her protested, 'But I'm company!' But then, she realized with a shock that she didn't feel like company. She felt strangely at home, surrounded by a strangely comfortable silence-with Remus.  
  
He seemed to have regretted his blunder, apologizing, "I meant... I'm not really up to talking about Order business tonight. Unless- was that all you came to tell me?"  
  
Well, that was all she was sent to tell him...but somehow she couldn't just leave him at that. There had to be something else she could say to him, something that would have given her a real reason for coming here; she could have contacted him without coming all this way. But the fact of the matter was the reason she had come in person instead was for the simple reason that she wanted to see him, and to make sure he was all right.  
  
"I came to see that you were... doing well, I guess." She cringed inwardly at the stupidity of her words. And she felt even worse when he shot her a look and replied.  
  
"Dumbledore sent you to make sure I hadn't done myself a harm, I suppose?"  
  
She lowered her gaze from him and returned gently, "Dumbledore didn't send me."  
  
He looked at her sharply. "Tonks, I'm going to be fine. I just wish you all would stop bothering me, stop worrying about me, because you're only making it worse." He thrust her teacup under her nose, and instead of catching the strong scent of tea, she couldn't help but inhale the masculine aura of his surprisingly powerful hand...  
  
She had no reply for him. She just continued to watch him as he carried the bottle of milk and plate of scones toward her and placed them gently on the table, before taking his place next to her. She helped herself to a warm scone, but noticed that he hadn't touched any, nor was he drinking anything. "Have you eaten anything today, Remus?" she asked without thinking.  
  
"I haven't been hungry," he replied icily, then immediately shot up and began to pace the length of the kitchen, rather wolfishly, Tonks thought. Damn. Why did his agony play upon her like a minstrel to a particularly eager harp? 'Focus on the subject at hand. He hasn't been hungry,' she told herself.   
  
"So when was the last time you ate?" she asked mildly, completely taken unaware by his snappy reply.  
  
"What's it to you?" He almost growled it. Suddenly he reminded her of another, less pleasant member of the Order, one whom she tried to avoid as much as possible. But the two of them, Lupin and Snape, were so very different that Tonks had never imagined seeing the former in a state so similar to the usual bearing and attitude of the latter. She assumed, and then mentally checked to make sure she was correct in her deduction, that tonight was near the night of the full moon. The waxing and waning of the moon had their effect on far less vulnerable characters than werewolves. It was understandable that Remus would feel so irritable tonight, especially since it was the first full moon since Sirius's death.  
  
She looked at him with an expression of barely concealed passion, which he mistakenly took for pity. "Is there anything I can do, then? Anything you need?"  
  
He whirled around so suddenly that Tonks spilled a bit of coffee down her robes as he faced her with the most livid countenance she had ever seen him wear. "Do not feel sorry for me. Do not pity me. You, of all people -"  
  
"But I don't feel sorry for you, Remus!" she sputtered, fumbling for her handkerchief.   
  
He eyed her with mixed surprise and sheepishness. "You don't?"   
  
"If you mean about Sirius, no."  
  
"Oh." Now the embarrassment on his face was evident, as he sat down beside her and looked ashamed. "Sorry."  
  
"I guess you're used to it, eh? People coming up to you and looking, well, like someone's just died- and at first you look the same way, but the more you feel like you're feeling better, the more it's not the loss that gets you down, but the fact that everyone expects you to never get over it."  
  
"You've gotten it too, then?" Remus asked, looking concerned.  
  
"Not with Sirius, no. But when my brother died a few years ago, they wouldn't let it go."  
  
"You had a brother?" Remus's curiosity was now peaked.  
  
"Yeah. Sam Tonks. He was a Squib. Worked as a Muggle constable. Got shot and killed on duty. My dad's family was devastated."   
  
"Were you close?" Remus whispered, his throat constricting. Even though Remus had never had a real brother, he felt as though he had just lost more than a brother. Sirius and James and he had been so close it was as though they were glued together... and that rat Pettigrew had to rip them apart... He was brought back to the present by Tonks's answer.  
  
"Yeah. We were close." She paused, her face clouding over for a moment. Then she apparently resolved not to dwell on it any longer, at least not in his company. She seemed to hesitate, then to shakily add to the conversation, "You know, I remember when I was little, Sirius used to bounce me on his knee." She smiled a little at the memory. Remus smiled too, trying to picture Sirius bouncing a child on his knee.   
  
"How old were you?"  
  
"I was four. He was seventeen. Sometimes he would come visit us over the summer and play with me, and show me magic. He was legal then. He'd fly me around in the air and buy me toy broomsticks, and sometimes he would even take me flying on his own broomstick. Until I fell off, that is. He managed to swoop down and catch me just in time, but it scared me so badly that I never did really care for flying after that." She still had a nostalgic glint in her eyes in the moments after she finished her story.  
  
But a thought had just occurred to Remus, one that he had no business thinking, especially after just moments before making the revelation that she was thirteen years younger than him. Perhaps, in fact, he realized it because of this. But the fact remained that, even through the lingering scent of Sirius in the house, so strong it penetrated his very being and made him almost regret that he was not alone so he could once again break down with the memory of his lost brother, even through the war that was going on between his lonely, breaking heart and his more sensible body which was (painfully, hungrily) alive and wanted desperately to stay that way, through everything, he smelled, for the first time in years, a woman's desire. For him. And the beast inside him had to admit- he liked it. He liked it very much.   
  
No, he told himself. No way in hell.   
  
"Yes, Sirius was rather partial to flying," he allowed himself to reflect, holding himself together. "He was a Beater, you know. For Gryffindor."  
  
"Did you play Quidditch?" she asked him curiously. She felt a bit better now that he had his usual sad smile on now, and continued making conversation. She was stalling, she knew. But she didn't know why. As much as she enjoyed this casual small talk, as much as she enjoyed just being in his company in general, she couldn't help but feel as though she was waiting for something, as though there was something in the air tonight, lurking just barely out of reach.  
  
And though he was reveling in both the relief and the pain at tearing his mind at least partially away from Sirius, answering, "No, I was never very good on a broom myself. A bit too hesitant, I think. I enjoyed watching it, though," he too felt the sort of ringing in the air, the tiny crashes their auras made when their scents collided gently in a sort of whirlwind.   
  
They were quiet for a few minutes. It was a very comfortable silence, as before. Remus didn't feel the need to search for things to say, as he did with most women he encountered. Instead he focused on her hair, the most noticeable thing about her. It was Christmas red tonight, and short and spiky as she usually wore it. He was always curious to see what she was going to do with it, as she always managed to find something new and creative. But he suddenly realized that he had no idea what she looked like normally. It came upon him that he had never seen her without some wild and original hairstyle or eye color or facial appearance, and he found himself wanting to know what true beauties were hidden under that desire to change herself...   
  
'Since when do you think Tonks is beautiful?' he scolded himself. But surely there was no harm in thinking a person was beautiful... and Tonks was the very picture of youthful energy and loveliness, even with her crazy sense of fashion and strange sense of humor...  
  
'Which was precisely why she wouldn't want an old wolf like you, Remus,' he steered himself away from those thoughts.  
  
However, he couldn't say goodnight to her without finding out who she really was. It was a matter of principle. How would he bring it up, though? Then she very gracefully, albeit unwittingly, opened the window for him, saying, "I think you have a few more gray hairs, you know." She gave a ghost of her usual impish grin. He felt his heart leap at the knowledge that she had just been watching him as avidly as he had been observing her.   
  
"You're one to talk, Tonks." It was now or never. He was strangely, unexplainably nervous and excited about it. "So, what exactly do you look like underneath all that spray paint, you Weasley-impersonator?"  
  
She laughed a genuine laugh at his good humor. "You know, it's been so long since I've gone normal that I'm not sure I remember!" She looked thoughtful. "My hair's black, I know... and so are my eyes... What's the trick to go back to normal? Oh, yes, I remember..." She squeezed her eyes shut, as if in pain, and suddenly her hair was bobbed and black and silky, the color of Sirius's. And when she opened her eyes he saw that they were no longer spunky green but black and shimmering and mysterious, and in an instant the picture of youth had become the portrait of a lady... a very attractive, desirable lady... His heart nearly stopped.  
  
"It hurts when you change, doesn't it?" he found himself asking her.  
  
She nodded. "A bit."  
  
"Why do you do it, then?"  
  
She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. Because I can, I suppose."  
  
Remus laughed inwardly at her reasoning. She made her transformations willingly, simply because the thought of being herself, her beautiful, stunning self wasn't enough for her all the time- in fact, by all appearances, she felt quite uncomfortable just as she was. If only he possessed that choice for himself. "And what about going back to normal? Does that hurt?"   
  
She looked up at him and replied, "Oh, that hurts worst of all." She grasped at this opportunity to talk to him about his lycanthropy, throwing caution to the winds if it were a touchy subject for him. After all, he had asked to see her...like this. (Somewhere deep inside her she had always wanted for some man to ask to see her as she was, and for him to give her the same approving glances she imagined he was giving her right now. 'It's only in your head, girl. Stop being stupid.') "And you? Does it hurt when you... you know... change?"  
  
He smiled wanly and nodded his head. "Very much," he whispered to himself, but he knew she had heard him because she gave him a pitying look that he wanted to believe was tender. ('It's only in your head, man. Stop being stupid,' he told himself.)  
  
"And when you become human again? Does that hurt, as well?"  
  
Echoing her own sentiments, he answered, "Oh, that hurts worst of all."  
  
"Why do you suppose?" Her voice was low, almost sultry. She laid a comforting palm upon his arm and gazed up at him with those eyes...  
  
He sighed. It was, in fact, a touchy subject, but somehow he didn't mind talking about it with her. "It's because I can remember everything that happened. Even though I have no control over my thoughts and emotions as a wolf, I still make memories. And I remember becoming savage. It hurts to think about it more than anything."   
  
"It's not your fault, you know."  
  
"If it were my fault, do you think I'd feel so helpless against it?"  
  
His matter of fact tone made her suddenly regard him in a new light. This was something he was more afraid of than anything. And yet, this one thing that he despised so much had never made him bitter or hateful, as it had probably done to many people. If anything, it had made him stronger. And so, he was able to bravely face it every month with temperance and mildness, and to show the world that though he had had so much to overcome, he had done it gracefully. His greatness affected her so much right now, when she was feeling afraid and confused and so helpless herself. "No," she whispered.  
  
Again there was a pause. At last, Remus looked up, tearing his eyes away from the softness of her hair and the wonder in her face, and glanced at the clock. "Good Lord- It's eleven-thirty already. Did you mean to come so late? Not that I mind, but... you have to be getting home, and..." He felt foolish, prattling on, but he was beginning to worry about her. Surely her mother was expecting her- wait, she had said something a few weeks ago about renting her own flat. Maybe she wasn't planning on going home just yet.   
  
'And how much farther is this little rendezvous going to take you?' he asked himself bitterly. 'What are you hoping for, that she'll come waltzing into your room at night and make wild love to you until the sun rises?'  
  
Despite his attempts to discourage himself from getting his hopes up, his heart descended to his stomach rather abruptly when she stood up from the table and nodded her head. "Yes, I'd better do that."  
  
Everything inside her was screaming out, 'Don't leave! Stay!' But she knew that there was nothing that was going to happen tonight with Remus that was worth staying for. Or was there? 'But what could possibly happen? You could talk to him more, making pointless small talk, but he's already expressed his desire for you to leave. It's late, he says. He's probably tired.'  
  
But as he walked her to the door, treading quietly to ensure that the portrait of Sirius's mother didn't start screaming again, she thought of Remus, lying alone in his bed in this big, cold, quiet house, with nothing but his thoughts to keep him company. And she knew that despite his outer appearance of trying not to dwell on Sirius's death, he could be nothing but filled with the memories of his friend and the emptiness that was the result of the hollow place Sirius had left in his heart. She could not leave him alone in this house tonight.  
  
So his heart began to hammer uncontrollably when she said, upon reaching the door, "You know what? I think I'll stay here tonight."  
  
Author's Note: This is a work in progress. It may be a few days, or even a couple of weeks, before I update, but do know that this is rated R for a reason, so expect some... less than child-appropriate...things in the not too distant future... But I'll warn you, I've had no experience with that sort of thing, so I don't know exactly how to go about writing it, or whether or not it'll be any good. But I feel like I've read so many sex scenes in fanfiction and otherwise that I'm probably as knowledgeable as the next person.  
  
Feel free to e-mail me with critiques, especially if you have a better suggestion for my abysmal title, and PLEASE REVIEW!!!!! 


	2. Restlessness and Requiem

A/N: Wow! I've been doing some snooping around, to see if there were any other Lupin/Tonks fics out there, and there are quite a few! That makes me a little sad though... I thought I was original... Oh well, I'll try to make this one different from the others. Perhaps I'll just incorporate the would-be plot of my unfinished Snape/ Fleur fic into this one, and make it nice and long... we've got plenty of time before Rowling comes out with another book and does a little more 'ship sinking...  
  
Chapter 2: Restlessness and Requiem  
  
Lying awake in her bed at Sirius's house, Tonks pondered, as those who suffer insomnia often ponder, the direction her life was taking. And now in the Wizarding world with the rise of Voldemort so fresh in all their minds, it seemed to Tonks as though their fates were more intertwined than ever, for they all seemed to be fighting for or against the same thing. Nothing seemed as important as this; Tonks felt guilty because she had something on her mind other than planning and preparing for the oncoming war. But there was a man who was truthfully just feet away from her, separated from her by a wall and two headboards, that seemed to surpass all of this in her mind, because he was at that moment more real and present than any of the danger they would face.   
  
  
  
Try as she might, she could not hear the sound of his breathing. She had half a mind to slip an Extendable Ear under his door for that purpose alone. She had a certain gut feeling that if she could only hear his slight, exquisite inhalations as he slept that she would be able to drift away into sleep quite easily...  
  
Finally deciding that nothing was being accomplished by just lying here, she got up, pulled a thin robe out of the closet, which was filled with a few items she might need when she had to stay at headquarters sometimes, and slipped it over her nightgown, resolved to go down to the kitchen and get a cup of tea before coming back up to review some of her notes for a report she had to write on patterns of Death Eater attacks for the Ministry.  
  
But as she exited her bedroom, something caught her eye. Remus's bedroom door was ajar, and if she opened it a little more, she might be able to see his sleeping form...  
  
The temptation was too great to resist. She headed away from the landing to the door at the other end of the hall, tiptoeing...  
  
Peering inside and squinting in the darkness, she gazed at his bed, which she now saw to be empty; he must have had the same thought she had- to go to the kitchen and find something to keep him occupied when he couldn't sleep... how she wanted to go into his room and just inhale his scent, to see if she could find something that would give her some clue about his past, his present misery, his life as a werewolf, all the other things about him that she longed to know because she felt that they were so much a part of the kind, gentle, sad and beautiful person he was now.   
  
Turning away from his room in defeat, unable to either enter for fear that Remus would return and find her there or go down to the kitchen for fear that she would meet him there and be unable to control the emotions that were overpowering her, she made to go back to her room, but when she got there she found that she was not the only one who had been sneaking about.  
  
"Tonks!" Remus nearly shouted, one foot in the door of her room that had also been ajar, and the other in the hallway. "Where did you come- I mean, where have you been?" He looked flustered, and Tonks toyed with the rather unlikely notion that he had been feeling the same longings that she had, wanting to enter her room and hopefully find her there, sleeping...  
  
She didn't want to lie to him- but telling him the truth, that she had had the strangest desire to hear the sound of his breathing, was far too embarassing. "I was, erm...seeing if you knew where the...where the extra blankets are," she excused herself feebly. "But I wondered why the door was ajar...what were you doing?"  
  
Oh God, Remus thought. Now he would have to come up with some excuse- but he so didn't want to lie to her... "I was wondering if you wanted a glass of milk, if you were awake... I thought I heard you get up..." In truth, he had heard her get up, waited a minute, and then, thinking she had gone to the kitchen, sneaked to her door hoping, he admitted to himself with a great deal of embarrassment, he could catch her scent. But he thought he had a good enough reason- he had been smelling Sirius for weeks, reminded of him every waking moment and even in the few precious hours when his mind had let his body shut down long enough to sleep. He needed a distraction from his friend's lingering aura.  
  
And Tonks, he thought to himself with a kind of wry, lazy desire, was some distraction.  
  
No, Remus. Don't think of her that way. She's thirteen years younger than you. Even if she does have those perfectly shaped calves... why does she have to wear that? I can see just about every curve... It's not fair, to play on an old wolf's senses that way...   
  
And that's when it hit him. He had known it, at least subconsciously, for a long time, before tonight, before Sirius died, possibly since the day he had met her. But only now did it fully register that not only did he want her- she wanted him as well. He could smell it; could see it in her body language, could hear it in her ragged breath and her almost perceptible heartbeat. She was afraid of him, and fascinated by him, but she wanted him with all the intensity of a famished dog looking in the window of a butcher's shop. But despite this, she was too shy, or too afraid, or maybe even too uncertain of her own feelings to tell him anything of them. And somehow through everything that had happened to him, though he was the least likely person in the world to be shaken up by something so normal, so everyday and trivial and unimportant as sexual attraction, he was perhaps just as scared of his feelings toward her as she was of her feelings toward him.   
  
"Well, actually, Remus, I was just going to go downstairs myself... let me get you something...?"  
  
"No, I'm all right- Tonks?"  
  
"Hmmm?" She was already halfway down the first landing, but she turned back around and looked up at him.   
  
"I just was wondering if... if you..."  
  
"Hmmm?" she replied again, her heart beginning to pound again, seeing the verifyably anxious expression entering into his ever-peaceful and quiet eyes.  
  
He sighed, losing his train of thought as he had once again been favored with those dark eyes as she looked up at him. "Could I have a cup of chocolate, then?"  
  
She smiled at him. "Do you trust me not to spill it, then?"  
  
He grinned back (and she felt her knees go weak for a moment). "I trust you completely."  
  
Relieved for the chance to think over what he would say to her next, he went back into his own room, turned on the lamp by his bed, and lay down, pressing the heels of his hands to his eyelids. He tried to remember the exact moment when this all began, that day at the Ministry when he had gone to give a message to Kingsley. She had been a new auror, he had known, and from all he had since heard from her co-worker, she was surprisingly gifted. He remembered the way his stomach had done a little unexpected sommersault when she had first shown him that killer grin she was now so famous for, the way he had sensed something in her posture that had made him wonder if maybe she was considering him for a mate, the way she had, ever since, been the most concerned of any of them when he began to show signs of his monthly affliction... His mind now traveled back to the day she had learned of his condition.  
  
She had been walking around the kitchen table, at her first meeting of the Order of the Phoenix. Kingsley was introducing her to everyone. "This is Molly Weasley, her husband, Arthur, and Sirius Black; you'll recognize him." Sirius gave his old roguish smile as she shook his hand with a bit of an uncertain look. "Mad-Eye Moody," continued Kingsley, and the old man bowed genteely and kissed her hand, and she giggled. "These are Mundungus Fletcher, Dedalus Diggle, Hestia Jones, Sturgis Podmore..." he went down the line, and finally approached Lupin. This meeting just happened to be taking place the night after the full moon, so Remus was looking especially pitiful. "And this old chap is Remus Lupin. He's our other resident shape-shifter. Metamorphmagus, meet lycanthrope."   
  
Remus remembered the way her eyes had lit up when she had realized what he was, and she had since made it clear to him, although never in so many words, that she had found this tidbit very interesting indeed. In fact, asking about it earlier in the evening after his question about her own transformations was the closest she had ever come to actually stating her fascination with him outright. "Hello, Remus," she had greeted him brightly, reaching out to him to shake his hand, and he recalled that, though moments before he had felt as though he were older than Dumbledore, he now felt giddy as a schoolboy.   
  
As he was lost in his reverie, he didn't hear Tonks reenter the hallway or call out his name, but he had no choice but to snap out of it when he finally smelled her, mingled with the nearly as intoxicating aroma of the chocolate- Which proves how really human you are, doesn't it, Remus, he told himself. Preferring chocolate to blood... although the thought of what she would taste like was enough to drive him over the edge... Stop it! Think of something else!   
  
"Remus?" she called.  
  
"I'm in here, Tonks." He sat up on his bed and straightened his robes impulsively, trying to clear his head. She managed to push the door open with a nudge of her hips, and then awkwardly sauntered in carrying a tray with two beakers of steaming chocolate and a plate of biscuits. "Care to join me, then?" he asked playfully as she set the tray down on the bed and pulled a straight-backed chair from against the wall over to face him.  
  
"Haven't got anything better to do," she replied, plopping down and picking up a biscuit. "I can't sleep, after all."  
  
"I know what you mean", he said seriously. He raised the mug to his lips, hesitating to take in the exquisite smell and closing his eyes for a moment.  
  
"Should I leave you two alone?" Tonks teased.   
  
He grinned, finally taking a sip. "You should know that I have a love affair with chocolate."  
  
Aha! She grasped something, a new bit of information, something else that made him so wonderful, small though it was. Curious, she asked, "How come?"  
  
"My mum. She used to make hot chocolate for me every night before bed when I was young. Of course, that was before..." He shouldn't be telling her this; she wouldn't want to know...  
  
"Before you received the bite?" she asked quietly. He nodded, looking into her understanding eyes.  
  
"My family, they...they didn't take well to...the changes. Of course, they did everything they could to try to cure it, but there wasn't a cure, so... they just sort of gave up on me." He paused, reflecting. "You know why my last name is Lupin? It's because I had an ancestor- Anchises was his name- he was a werewolf hunter. He was attacked while hunting one night; apparently he had made enemies with a particularly foul werewolf bitch who set a few of her fellows on him. His son found him the next morning, and took on the name Lupin in his honor. It's a family tradition to hate all halfbreeds, werewolves in particular. So I was never very... popular."  
  
"What happened to them? Your family, I mean. Do you see them anymore?" Tonks looked him with beautiful empathy. Obviously she knew what it was like to be disowned by your family.  
  
"Oh, I...stop by from time to time... they're fairly well-off, great friends with Umbridge, I hear, wouldn't want shabby old me dropping in for tea, now would they?" he said bitterly. Then, realizing how depressing the conversation had turned, he decided to change the subject. "What about your family? You're close to your mother, aren't you? And your dad?"  
  
"Aw, yeah, we have the typical middle-class suburban half-magical lifestyle... Mum's the little housewife, you know, always trying to teach me how to perform this cleaning charm and that household pest hex... I took after Dad, I liked appliances and muggle gadgets and things that went boom. Which is why, sorry to disappoint Mum, I became an auror. Nothing special. Not nearly as fascinating as werewolves..." she stopped herself, blushing slightly.  
  
"You really find that interesting, don't you?" Remus asked her curiously. "Why is that?"  
  
"Oh... I don't know..." Her face was turning rapidly from pink to bright magenta, and it wasn't on purpose.   
  
"Oh, come on, Tonks, tell me. I've just told you my life story; the least you can do is tell me that one little detail..." He looked at her pleadingly.  
  
She cast around an anxious look, as if searching for a means of escape, but Remus had backed her into a corner and she wasn't getting out of it. "Oh, all right... well, I just know you're going to think this is impertinent..."  
  
"Actually I'm quite interested."   
  
"Well... I... I used to have this dream. Every night I would see myself walking down the street at full moon, completely calmly, and then this thing would come walking towards me. And I could never tell what it was until it was right up close, and by that time I was too curious to be too afraid of it. It was a werewolf, of course. And I knew in the dream that I should have been afraid, but I wasn't. So I reached out my hand to touch his head, and he didn't bite. He just... he sort of lay down on the ground and let me rub his belly, and he was completely harmless. And then, I would wake up, and there would be this amazing sense of... I don't know what it was, because I've never felt it before. But it felt good. So I made the study of lycanthropy a project for my Defense Against the Dark Arts N.E.W.T. class in sixth year, and I got full marks, and I think, now I remember it, that your name came up... you were the only werewolf ever to go through all seven years at Hogwarts..." Her eyes had become a bit dreamy. "But that was before I knew you, of course..." She blushed, if possible, even deeper. The truth of the matter was that she had harbored a secret crush on him, even before she knew him. But she had somehow imagined Remus to be a good bit older than he was, and perhaps, even with her lack of werewolf prejudices, a bit more hostile. And even with his occasional harsh remark or cool temper, even considering the thirteen years between them and the premature wrinkles and graying hair, he was still kind and warm and handsome enough to blow her preconceived notions to smithereens.   
  
Remus was smiling gently. She had averted her gaze, and he knew that she was too preoccupied to notice him staring at her. The truth was, she amazed him. He had never before met a person so passionate about this particular area of Defense Against the Dark Arts, saving, of course, those who worked passionately against his kind.   
  
"I told you it was boring," she lamented. She fiddled with her empty beaker, finally placing it back on the tray next to the half-full plate of biscuits.  
  
"Nonsense, Tonks. If I had known you were so interested... if you ever want to talk about it..."  
  
"Well, I kind of thought you were a bit sensitive about it."  
  
"You know- I am, really. With most people, that is. But then, with Sirius, and with James, I felt like they were my brothers, so once they knew, we talked about it all the time- you know what happened."  
  
"So- do you mind talking about it with me?"  
  
Favoring her with what he hoped wasn't too much more intense than his usual pleasant smile, he reached out and took her hand, saying rather boldly, "I sometimes wonder if I could tell you anything."  
  
Turning slightly pink again, her hand fidgeted in his grip. "You know you can, Remus."  
  
"And you would listen... and understand..." He absentmindedly ran a thumb along her wrist, and they shivered simultaneously. Looking up at one another, their eyes met.   
  
And for the first time in Remus's life, he felt as if the stars were aligned perfectly, and the hand of God was protecting him in this moment of moments, and the night was his for the taking.  
  
Tonks, on the other hand, had felt this way before, in her dreams. It was an emotion she had not been able to name before. But now she realized that it was love.  
  
"Remus..." she began in a husky voice, her eyes still fixed on his. "I have a confession to make."  
  
"Hmmm?" he asked her, his face inching ever closer to hers.   
  
"I didn't just want to ask you where the extra blankets were tonight. That was a lie."  
  
He grinned, his face full of emotion. "I think I knew that. I didn't just want to ask you if you wanted a glass of milk, either."  
  
"Really?" She was genuinely surprised.   
  
"That will be the last lie I ever tell you."  
  
"What did you want, then?" Her breathing was becoming quick and shallow as he levitated the tray off his bed and landed it on his bedside table deftly, without even looking at them.  
  
"You, Nymphadora."   
  
He stood up, pulling her up with him, and gently took her face in his hands. He simply held her there for a moment, still maintaining eye contact and gauging her reaction to his rather impromptu admission. But there could be no doubt about it. Although she was shocked, a bit frightened and altogether looking like a very aroused mouse who had just been pounced upon by a hungry wolf, there was an alarming degree of need in her lovely face that made it seem like torture to both her and himself if he didn't kiss her then and there.   
  
So that is what he did.  
  
As many times as Nymphadora Tonks had fantasized about this, as wonderful as it had seemed to her in her head, it couldn't have even come close to the plethora of sensations that she experienced in that one kiss. He leaned in ever so slowly, his hands still pressed against her cheeks, their gazes locked until the very last possible moment, when finally his eyes closed tightly, his fingers laced through her short black hair, and his lips seemed to melt into hers as though they were fitted together, and Tonks wrapped her arms around him and drank him in, closer to him than she had ever thought possible. And it felt so right.   
  
After a few minutes standing there like this, he took a few steps backward, finally sitting on the bed and pulling her down to him. She obliged, straddling his lap and placing her hands on his shoulders, as his own hands traveled downward, lightly grazing her sides and coming to rest on her hips. And as their kiss deepened, Remus gradually leaned backward until he was lying on his back, and she was on top of him, adjusting herself so that she could lie on her stomach; one of her knees was between his legs, weakening his resolve. Through all this, his lips had not left hers, and neither had his grazing hands, now toying with the ties of her night robe, skillfully and gently easing them apart to reveal the soft satin of her gown... it seemed so unlike Tonks to wear something like this, he realized, so fancy and frilly for such a no-nonsense kind of girl. But seeing as how it showed off her excellent figure, he didn't mind overmuch.   
  
He did, however, take it rather personally when she broke away from the kiss very briefly, seeming to get her old self back, and raised an eyebrow playfully. But it was a measure of just how great an effect he was having on her that her voice shook with longing to resume their previous activities when she joked, "Remus, I told you not to call me Nymphadora."  
  
He merely laughed, throwing his head back in joy, and turned her over onto her back, whispering, "Nymphadora" into her mouth as ke kissed her again...  
  
At last, they kissed one another to sleep.  
  
A/N: You know, I'm writing this, and I finally see the attraction so many women have towards Lupin- he's possibly the only male character in modern literature who understands the dreadfulness of the monthly curse... 


	3. Remus Suffering

Chapter 3: Remus Suffering  
  
Remus woke up to the sound of Mrs. Black screaming, sat up very gingerly in bed so as not to wake Tonks, who was sprawled out next to him, and finally stood, rubbing his eyes. He cast a look behind him to her rather comical form, laughing to himself. To be so elegant, almost refined, the night before, and yet back to her normal, completely comfortable self this morning... well, he would have expected no less from her. And he absolutely loved it.  
  
They had not exactly consummated their relationship yet, Remus reflected as he trudged down the stairs toward the front hall to shut the curtains in front of the painting. And although he had wanted her as much as she had wanted him, he knew it was a good thing they hadn't. For one thing, he wasn't even sure they were in a relationship. He had never been in one, not since Hogwarts... he wouldn't think about that. Not now that he had found such happiness in Tonks. But, he wondered to himself, could she possibly begin to find complete happiness in him? She was still so young, she had her career and her looks and her health... she wouldn't want to have to feel like she had to take care of him...  
  
Finally relishing the lack of shrieks coming from the portrait, he went to the door to see who had come to call so early in the morning- no, wait, he realized, it was almost midday! Unfastening the numerous locks on the door, he opened it to find Molly, Mad-Eye, and Kingsley waiting. "Oh- good morning!" he greeted them rather groggily.  
  
"We didn't wake you up, did we, dear?" asked Molly in a concerned voice.  
  
"Oh, that's all right... needed to get up anyway..."  
  
"How are you feeling, Remus?" asked Kingsley.  
  
"I'm feeling..." he thought about it for a moment. "I'm feeling pretty good, actually."  
  
"Well, you're going to need all the energy you can get, you know. Tomorrow night... oh, that reminds me, Snape gave me the last of the Wolfsbane potion..." Moody reached into an inside pocked of his robes and retreived a couple of large flasks, handing them out to Remus. "If you think you can trust him not to try and poison you..."  
  
"I think I can trust him, Mad-Eye. He hasn't murdered me yet, you know." Remus made a face as he downed one flask of the disgusting concoction and shuddered.  
  
"Anyway," Molly continued in a matter-of-fact tone, "we came to remind you of the meeting tonight, and to get the house tidied up a bit. And to ask you if you've heard from Tonks- we stopped by her flat to pick her up, but she wasn't there, and she didn't have work today, so we were worried..."  
  
Remus began to think at a very rapid pace. "I- erm- I don't know-"  
  
But at just that moment, she emerged, yawning, down the staircase, managing through her yawn, "Who is it, Remus?"  
  
"Tonks!" Mrs. Weasley cried, "we didn't know where you were; we were getting worried! What- have you been here all night?" she questioned, glancing back at Remus momentarily.  
  
"Oh, yeah-" Tonks yawned again, and Remus noticed that her hair had become pink and spiky again. "I was helping Remus set up for the meeting, and it got a bit late, so I decided to stay the night."  
  
Mad-Eye and Kingsley looked from Lupin to Tonks, in her bathrobe hastily thrown over the satin gown she had fallen asleep in which could still be seen as the neckline of the robe wasn't quite closed, and back to Lupin, raised their eyebrows simultaneously, and gave ghosts of sly grins. Then they strutted downstairs to the kitchen, Mad-Eye patting Lupin on the back as he went past. Lupin just smiled placidly, giving nothing away, although a bit shaken by the fact that they now suspected something. "I'd better go up and get dressed, then," he said, followed closely by Tonks.   
  
"Yeah, me too."  
  
Neither of them saw Mrs. Weasley look at them with a very content expression as they disappeared together up the staircase.  
  
*****  
  
"I'm sorry I came downstairs, I didn't realize..."  
  
"It's all right, Tonks, there was no harm done."  
  
"I saw the looks Molly and the others were giving you."  
  
"Yes, but they don't know anything for certain, and even if they did, what's the worst that could happen?"  
  
"Well- they could tell us off, or tell Dumbledore, and I don't know if he would approve."  
  
Remus smiled at her sad little face. "What's to approve of, Tonks? There's nothing wrong with- with what happened last night; we didn't do anything to be ashamed of, unless- " Suddenly his face fell. "Tonks, you don't regret- I mean, if I read you wrong, if you didn't want to..."  
  
She placed a finger over his lips, and looked into his eyes. "Concerning you, Remus, the only regret I have is that I didn't tell you how I felt sooner."  
  
"You know," he said in a quiet, thoughtful voice, "you never did tell me outright how you feel."  
  
"Remus, can I ask you a question?" she said, thinking about the statement he had just made. He nodded. "What does your wolf look like?"  
  
He raised an eyebrow skeptically, but proceeded to answer her. "I've been told... that he's light brown, with brownish gold eyes, like me... the wolf resembles the human, you know, same concept as Animagi... and I imagine he has a few gray hairs by now," he grinned, playing with his own salt-and-pepper streaks.  
  
"He does, Remus." Her face was solemn. She reached up to where his hand was straightening his hair and entwined her own fingers through his locks. "He does. I saw him last night. It was you...it was him all along. The one in my dreams."  
  
"I think you knew that, didn't you?" he asked her, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her once more.  
  
As they broke away from the kiss, both of them smiling in one another's embrace, Tonks finally slapped the back of her hand against his chest playfully and said, "Now, get out of my bedroom while I get dressed, and be a gentleman."  
  
Still smiling, he left her there, heading for the door to his own chamber, and proceeded to get ready for the day.  
  
*****  
  
Tonks spent most of the day out of Remus's company, and it drove her nearly mad. She was put to work in the kitchen washing dishes while Molly dried (because washing them allowed her to hold them over the sink instead of over the ground, which made it a shorter distance for the dishes to fall should Tonks drop one. And she dropped quite a few in her distraction.)  
  
Remus was looking over reports with Kingsley and being briefed by Moody in the drawing room, his back to the family tree which would have born Sirius's deathdate now had his name still been present. But his mind kept traveling back to last night, and he couldn't help but wish that it hadn't ended...  
  
Finally, the other members of the Order began filtering in. Arthur Weasley arrived first, along with his sons Bill, Fred, and George. Then came Minerva McGonagall with Severus Snape, Rubeus Hagrid, and Olympe Maxime, and they were followed closely by several of the older members, led by Mundungus Fletcher. Several of the newest members showed up in a large group, including Percy Weasley, his girlfriend Penelope Clearwater, Madam Longbottom, Madam Bones, and Maureen Finnigan, mother of Remus's old student Seamus.  
  
Ten minutes later: "At five-oh-four on July twenty-eighth I call this meeting of the Order of the Phoenix to order," Dumbledore, clad in pale gray shimmering robes and hat, began. Hestia Jones began scribbling furiously over a roll of parchment in the corner. "Old business, Hestia?"  
  
"Erm..." she struggled to speak one thing and write another, then pulled a sheet out from a briefcase at her heels. "Er- at the last meeting, which took place on- erm- June the thirtieth, yes, that's it, we... we passed a motion to increase security on the entrances to the castle..." Her voice droned on.  
  
Remus and Tonks had, miraculously, ended up sitting together, sandwiched between Molly and Minerva. Tonks eased a hand under the table and took Lupin's, squeezing it gently. It made him wonder to himself as he pretended to listen just what kind of relationship the two of them had now. Just last night they were friends, and she had been less close to him than Sirius had been. But somehow, something had changed- or perhaps what he thought had changed had really been the way it was all along. He hadn't just suddenly become attracted to her, any more than she had suddenly become attracted to him. That first kiss was fated, he knew. She had been dreaming about him, although it was his wolf and not his human form, since she was a little girl. And she was so amazingly easy to talk to. She was one of the only people he knew who was completely comfortable with the fact that he was a werewolf, who even was attracted to the fact that he posessed this trait, and who seemed to want to get to know him, to think he was something special. It had just happened so very fast- but today, and last night, seemed to him to have taken an eternity, a blissful eternity in which Remus finally felt completely at peace with himself and the world- so different from anything he had ever felt before.  
  
But he was shaken out of his reverie when he heard Dumbledore say, "Remus, as I'm sure you know, tomorrow night is the full moon."  
  
He looked up sharply, pulling his hand out of Tonks's grip as he clasped his hands together and placed them on the table, leaning foreward. "Yes, Albus. I've taken the potion regularly."  
  
"You will stay here, then?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I gather Auror Tonks is staying in the house as well at present... Tonks, are you planning to stay through Remus's transformation? We may need to contact you."  
  
"I- well, I don't..."  
  
"Don't, Tonks. You don't want to see that," Remus pleaded silently, giving her a fleeting glance.  
  
"Do you- don't you need someone to... sort of nurse you afterwards?" she whispered to him. "Who usually does that?"  
  
"No, I don't need- that is to say, Sirius usually was here..."  
  
That was all Tonks needed. "Yes. I am planning to stay," she answered clearly.  
  
McGonagall gave her a bit of a scandalized look, as did a few of the other older women. She inwardly sighed. If only it wasn't just the two of them here, alone, they wouldn't get the idea that something was going on between them. But, blushing, she realized that there was something going on between them...  
  
The meeting lasted forever. Snape gave another report, which was perhaps the highlight, and then finally it was all over and she was beckoned by Molly as the ones who wouldn't be staying for dinner left. The two women began to cook dinner. "Where are Ron and Harry and the others?" Tonks asked.  
  
"Oh, they're staying with Arabella Figg right now, and we'll be sending for all of them in a few days..." She paused. "So, erm, how is Remus doing, really?" Molly asked as she began to slice carrots for the stew.   
  
"He- well, he seems to be doing a bit better than I expected, to tell you the truth," Tonks replied, careful to keep her eyes downcast as she peeled a potato.  
  
"I know he took it rather hard when Sirius died; we all did," Molly said quietly. "I just felt as though he needed to get his mind off it somehow. He's been in the worst state this past month. And with the full moon tomorrow night, it seems like he's going through too much for him to be here alone... which is why I was glad when you said you were going to be staying here with him." Again, there was a pause. Tonks was silent, for fear that Molly might take anything she said to mean that she and Remus were involved now. But Molly seemed to have already picked up on this. "So what exactly is going on between the two of you?"  
  
The knife slipped in Tonks's hand, causing her to drop the potato and slice her finger, the blood oozing as the potato rolled off the counter and onto the floor. "Bugger!" she screamed, dropping the knife too, which landed square on her foot. She grabbed her hand tightly as the pain mounted.  
  
"Tonks!" cried Lupin, from where he sat at the table talking to Mundungus, and he jumped up and ran over to her. "What happened?"  
  
"Oh- you know- just me being stupid and clumsy again-" she said, hissing through the pain.   
  
"Tonks, don't be silly. Here-" He took, or rather, snatched, her hand in his, touched it with his wand, and immediately the cut healed. Then, not lingering longer than was proper, he went back to the table and resumed his conversation.   
  
Tonks, relaxing a little, allowed herself a slight smile as she bent down and picked up the potato, carrying it over to the sink to rinse it off.   
  
"You never answered my question, dear," said Mrs. Weasley slyly, turning on the back burner.  
  
"Question?" Tonks asked, pretending to be ignorant.  
  
"Are you and Remus having sex?"  
  
The inquiry, but whispered, seemed to Tonks to ring in the air like the blast of a cannon, and the fact that it was issued from motherly Molly Weasley did nothing to decrease the shockingness.  
  
"N-no!" responded Tonks, a bit indignantly. They weren't, after all. Of course, last night came pretty close, but almost didn't count, did it?  
  
And then Molly said something even more uncharacteristic. "It's a shame. I've known Remus for a long time, and if there's anyone who needs a good shag every once and a while, it's him."  
  
Of course, thought Tonks, she's had seven children; she must know something about it.   
  
"So there's really nothing going on between you?"  
  
"Well..." Tonks didn't know if she wanted to tell Molly or not, but it seemed as though she could trust her, and she most certainly didn't want to lie to this woman whom she had longed to have as a friend since she had joined the Order. "Actually, there is something."  
  
"Oh, come on, do tell," squealed Molly excitedly. It was obvious she loved gossip.  
  
"To tell you the truth, I'm not sure I really understand it myself. I mean, he... he kissed me. And then, we just sort of... kept kissing, and that was about all. But it felt like more. And it all happened so fast- I came here last night because I was worried about him, and he was in a bad mood, and then he seemed to start feeling better, and then..."  
  
"Remus is impulsive. He thinks before he acts, yes, but if he thinks it, he's bound to act on it."  
  
"I feel like I barely know him- but I want to know him so much better. I think- I think I'm falling in love with him. I mean I know I am, really, it's just, I've never really been in love before, and I don't know how he feels about me..."  
  
"If he kissed you, that should give you some idea," said Molly shrewdly. "I know of only one other person he's ever kissed... but he doesn't like it when people talk about that."  
  
Curiosity peaked, Tonks was about to try to pry it out of her, but supper, charmed to cook in a fourth of the time, was almost ready, and Remus and Kingsley had approached them at the counter where they were engaged in their whispered dialogue, Remus eying Tonks questioningly, and asked if there was anything they could do to help.  
  
*****  
  
They spent the night apart. Remus insisted, because, as he told her, he needed to sleep tonight, and if she were present in his bed, he wouldn't be able to do very much sleeping. So he had kissed her very gently, and her knees had almost buckled in the intensity of the longing she felt for him, and then he had left her to sit up all night, beaker of cold coffee on her bedside table and unread report in her hands, just thinking.  
  
The next day she had to work. She was hoping to get the day off, but there was a particularly suspicious gathering of warlocks in Edinbourough that had happened the night before, and she and a couple of her fellow aurors were called upon to investigate it. So it wasn't until six that evening that Tonks was able to return to Black Manor. Looking up at the sky anxiously, she was relieved to see that the moon had yet to rise, and so she apparated inside hoping to find Remus still resting up. However, when she popped into the kitchen to pour him a cup of hot chocolate, she found him sitting there, reading the Daily Prophet, and appearing a bit ill.  
  
"I thought you were sleeping, Remus," Tonks said.  
  
"The closer the moon is to rising, the harder it is to sleep. You get a bit testy, also, so don't mind me if I'm on edge. I'll try to be polite, but it was always Sirius here before, and... " He trailed off.  
  
Talking about Sirius wasn't going to cheer him up, she knew. "Can I fix you something?"  
  
"Oh, um, I was about to get up and get something, but-"  
  
"Don't bother. Some hot chocolate? And something to eat? Or is it easier without food?"  
  
"Actually I find that it helps a bit. My wolf's stomach is usually less hungry for human flesh if it's fuller... just some toast or something, I don't think I can handle very much. Thanks," he said, taking the mug from her hands and drinking gratefully.  
  
"How long does the transformation take, then?"  
  
"Well, it feels like it takes an eternity..." he whispered to himself, but she heard it. "But really less than a minute." He looked a bit sheepish. Apparently he didn't feel comfortable complaining. Tonks understood. She should have known that he would be dreading this.  
  
"I wish you didn't have to go through this, Remus," she said, looking at him sadly.  
  
"Yes, well..." he had been about to say something rude, but he bit it back. "Oh- oh, Tonks, you really shouldn't be here. If something was faulty with that potion, you'd be in danger..."  
  
"First of all, nothing's wrong with the potion, because Snape made it, and he can do no wrong where potions are concerned. Second, I still have my wand and I can still hex you into oblivion if you try to attack me even if the potion doesn't work. Third, I wouldn't leave you alone anyway."  
  
"You'd best at least head off to another room, then. The moon's rising, I can feel it. She'll be up in a few minutes."  
  
"Why do I have to go to another room?" Tonks asked.  
  
"Because... because you don't want to see it. It's terrible, Tonks. You don't want to. Even Sirius didn't watch."  
  
"I know it must be my innate love for werewolves, but something inside me really needs to see this, Remus."  
  
"No, Tonks!" he shouted, suddenly furious. He was a bit frantic. If there were anything that would make her completely despise him, it would be watching him transform. "I don't want you here, all right? I can't stand to see you watching me with those pitiful eyes, and I definitely don't want to see your reaction to me in a few minutes. It's ugly! It's not some fascinating thing for little girls to marvel at, it's disgusting, it's painful, and I don't want you to see it. Leave!" He was breathing heavily when he had finished, feeling the familiar prickle along his spine. If she left now, she might just miss it. He tried to plead with her with his eyes, but when he looked at her, she looked back as if stung. She hung her head, slowly walking to the kitchen door.  
  
"Oh, Tonks, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. But please..." He had walked towards her and now held her in place with his aching arms, kissing her on the cheek. "Please go," he whispered, but even as he said it he realized with despair that it was too late. Backing away from her, he hid his face in his hands as he tensed up, suddenly falling foreward as he was forced onto his hands and knees, which were rapidly becoming paws and limbs, and he couldn't supress a cry of anguish as he felt his face stretching out, his muscles changing size and shape, contracting and expanding, and then his hair began to grow thicker, all over his body. His robes were torn, and his wolfish form wrestled out of them as he finally completed his change.   
  
He finally chanced a glance up at Tonks, who had been frozen to the spot, watching him. He really wished she had left. She was just staring at him in horror, and when he looked up at her with his lupine face, his heart and eyes full of apologies for what she had just seen, she burst into tears, her face buried in her hands, slowly sliding down the wall to a sitting position.   
  
Remus sidled up to her, grateful, at least, that she hadn't fled from him. He tried to form the words, "I'm sorry," but all he could do with his primitive vocal chords was give a low whimper. He nuzzled her cheek, or what little of it he could reach as she was still bawling into her hands, and in place of a kiss he gave her the tiniest of licks, which was all he could manage.   
  
This proved not to be a good idea; as soon as he did so she gasped in revulsion and backed away, crying even harder. Damn, he thought to himself. That was stupid. She probably thought he was going to bite her. He should have thought first.   
  
He figured that trying was useless. The one person he had left, the one person he could talk to, who had accepted him as he was, who had been so beautiful and so desirable to him and whom he had thought had desired him as well, now found him hideous. He gave up, feeling as though James and Sirius had died all over again, as though he had been forced to give up a normal human being's life all over again. He was more miserable than he had been in a month. Why had she had to see him change? Why hadn't she listened to him? He slowly walked away from her, his ears hung and his tail between his legs in shame and despair.  
  
Then, from behind him, he heard her call him, "Wait, Remus..."  
  
He turned his head.  
  
"It's not that I don't want... Please forgive me for crying, please..." She hiccuped, trying to cease her tears. She was obviously as miserable as he was. "Look, it was just a shock, that's all. It was so terrible, seeing you like that... I mean, seeing you in so much pain."  
  
It was not at all like in her dreams, she thought to herself; it was the same wolf, but the feeling was different. She felt that her love for the man he was had forced her to sense the agony he was going through, when he became the wolf. It scared her a little that she could have those feelings for another person, that she could be driven to that point of empathy.  
  
His wolf returned to her, standing before her and looking at her squarely in the eyes. They were Remus's eyes, the exact same shade of amber, with the same expression he always wore when he showed concern. He could hear her, she knew; it was really him, inside that body. It was then that she realized how much he depended on her to get him through this, to get herself through this. She was one of the only friends he had left, and tonight, she was the only person here to comfort him, to trust that, come morning, he would be human again, beautiful and sad and just as lost as any little boy who had something weighing him down that he didn't completely understand.  
  
"Remus, I have something to tell you."  
  
You can't see me like this, he thought. He knew it; she really couldn't stand him. That must be what she had to say. Or, I'm sorry, but everything that has been going on between us is completely overshadowed by the fact that you're too old, or too wolfish, or too reserved, or sad, or unstable.  
  
"I love you."  
  
His wolf staggered a bit, looking up at her with very human, very surprised eyes.   
  
My God. She loves me.   
  
But didn't he know that already? Surely, the past two days had been a confusing time for both of them, but really, despite the fear that she may not feel quite the same about him as he was beginning to feel about her, deep down he had known. And his wolf knew. Because his more primitive instincts he had in this form told him that she wanted to be his mate. And his human mind knew that when a human wanted to be your mate in the same sense as a wolf, she wanted to mate for life.  
  
"Please don't say anything, Remus. I mean, I know you can't, but... Oh, I don't know why I'm saying this now, it's just that I've wanted to tell you, in my own words, for so long, and for you to hear me... You can hear me, can't you?"  
  
He nodded his head quite clearly. Then, convulsively, he wagged his tail. I love you too, Tonks. Oh, God, I love you, and I've been in love with you forever, and I will be in love with you forever, and I need you, and I want you so much I can barely breathe, and you are so breathtakingly beautiful to me... and I wish I could tell you all this...   
  
"Your wolf really is very handsome, you know," Tonks noticed, smiling a little, wiping away the last of her tears. She reached out a hesitant hand and began to stroke his head. He leaned into her touch, closing his eyes, and licked her hand, urging her to continue. She kept talking, adopting a soothing, comforting voice. "Of course, it's nowhere nearly as handsome as your human. I remember the first time I saw you, at the Ministry. My heart nearly stopped. There was just something about you; there always has been. You have the most amazing eyes."   
  
She looked into those eyes, only to find tears streaming down them, his breath a bit ragged, and a look about him that suggested that he wanted nothing better than to change back into his human form right now and tell her just how much he appreciated hearing her say those things, and possibly to act on that appreciation. But all he could do was place a forelimb between her thighs and nuzzle the place below her ear that he had recently discovered was so sensitive. She wrapped a loving arm around his furry neck and scratched behind his ears.  
  
They passed several long hours together this way, Tonks sometimes saying something to him, Remus sometimes responding with a whimper or a gesture or an expression. Around midnight, they both fell asleep on the kitchen floor.  
  
*****  
  
Tonks woke up because she felt Remus's wolf, who was resting beside her as she had been petting his underbelly when she fell asleep, stirring.  
  
Standing up, Remus realized what was happening. He looked at Tonks again, pleading with her as he had last night to leave the room, but as she had done last night, she resolved to stay. He hung his head, shrugging his shoulders as if to say, Have it your way. Then, with an uncontained howl, which morphed into a very human shriek of pain, he was human again, lying huddled, naked, on the floor, his muscles almost too sore to move.   
  
"Oh, Remus," cried Tonks, crouching down to kneel above him. "That was so aweful..."  
  
"Please- Draught of Living Death..." he croaked. "It's in the third drawer from the top in the dresser in my bedroom. Hurry."  
  
Coming down the stairs with the vial in tow, Tonks felt as though she were created for the sole purpose of taking care of this man. She felt prideful, as though last night had been a test of sorts, and she had passed it. That was the worst of it, she thought. It will only go uphill, and there's still another month to go before he changes again.  
  
That was when she remembered that she had just told him a few hours before that she loved him. And he, surprisingly enough, hadn't seemed to mind.  
  
She opened the kitchen door. Remus was struggling to push himself into a sitting position, but was having trouble because of his weak state. She wondered briefly how he had managed when he was alone all those years. Without a word, she gently dropped the vial in its leather pouch down to the floor, kneeled down beside him, and placed a firm hand against his bare back, giving him a tender push upwards. But as she lifted the vial to his lips, willing him to rest now that he had gone through this terrible ordeal, he thrust it away for a moment and took her in his arms, kissing her with what must have been the whole of his strength. "Tonks, I love you," he whispered hoarsely.  
  
"Shhh, Remus, please, rest now."  
  
"I'll be asleep for the rest of the day, and tonight. And when I wake up, I won't be in any shape to do anything requiring great strength. But in a couple of weeks, at new moon, I want you to make love to me."  
  
"Remus..."  
  
"Promise me, Tonks. Please."   
  
After a moment of simply gazing into his pleading eyes, she smiled her most beautiful smile and touched a hand to the graying hair at his temples. "If everything goes as planned, then yes, Remus, love, I would be honored to make love to you. But take the potion now. Rest."  
  
And without another word, he obliged her, and was soon fast asleep, feeling, for the moment, no more pain. 


	4. Recovery

Chapter 4: Recovery  
  
First things first, Tonks thought to herself, get Remus somewhere he'll be comfortable. The kitchen floor is nowhere for a sick werewolf to begin to heal...  
  
Pointing her wand at him and uttering, "Mobilicorpus," she noticed for the first time that he was quite undressed. Without giving herself time to fully appreciate his lean, muscular, if somewhat gaunt form, she led him upstairs with her wand, determined to find something suitable for him to wear before seeing him nestled in his bed under a mountain of warm blankets.   
  
She had left his dresser drawer open in her rush to find the vial of Draught of Living Death; looking inside it, she saw that it contained nothing but his werewolf paraphernalia. Tempting, but... she would have a look at that later, when she had his permission. Now, she had more pressing matters, like... aha! his underwear drawer. Hmmm... Hers was a bit more colorful, she couldn't help but reflect. Picking up a pair of white boxers from a pile of its clones, she gingerly approached the bed where he lay, looking noble and quite exquisite... and COLD! She reminded herself. Now, how to go about this...  
  
She decided the best way to do this was to kneel at his feet and ease them on, and she managed with little difficulty, pausing just before sliding them up over his waist and regretting that she would have to cover THAT up... He seemed to her to be formed so perfectly in every way, and she wondered briefly if it had been him or some kind of weird mental state brought about by his extreme pain that had made that suggestion about the new moon... Shaking her head, she resolved to think about that some other time.   
  
Next she stepped over to his wardrobe, peering inside and looking for something warm. Hanging inside, she saw, were a single pair of trousers, a couple of jumpers that looked like the ones Molly made, and a very old, musty-smelling set of dress robes in a sort of charcoal gray color. It filled Tonks with a fresh surge of hatred for that Umbridge woman, with her anti-werewolf legislation and Remus's lack of paid work. She knew of several departments in the Ministry who could really benefit from his extensive knowledge and insight...  
  
Choosing one of the Weasley jumpers, a lovely, lush-looking chocolate brown one, and the heavily darned and patched trousers, she once again began her battle with Remus's unconscious body and attempted to dress him. Then, satisfied with the job she had done, she went about the house to see what else needed to be done at present.  
  
He never did tell me where the extra blankets are, she mused. Peeking into several likely looking rooms, she finally found the linen closet, which contained a stack of wool coverlets and fluffy cotton comforters. She pulled them all out, toting them to Remus's room, where he hay, as was to be expected, in exactly the same position as he had been in when she had left. She began to shake out the blankets and throw them over him, finally tucking him in when she figured he could survive at the North Pole with this much cover. Then she went downstairs to get some breakfast and pick up his torn garments from the night before, planning to try to sew them up. And so went her morning. There were no visitors, as everyone seemed to be very busy getting ready to bring Harry and Company to the house in a few days, and so when Tonks finished her rather abysmal sewing of Remus's already shabby garments, she had quite a bit of leisure time.   
  
"You know what, love? I think I'll head off to Diagon Alley," she told him, although he couldn't hear. He didn't stir. "Don't move a muscle, now," she teased. He obliged her, and didn't.  
  
*****  
  
Somehow, she found herself in the middle of a terrible session of haggling with Madam Malkin, who wanted her to provide, not just perfectly accurate measurements, but the actual person for whom the robes were being fitted before she would allow Tonks to make an order.  
  
"But why won't you just let me return them if they don't fit? They're bound to; he's a stick insect, he can wriggle into anything, and if they're too big, he can tailor them himself!"  
  
"Now, dear, if I just let all my customers tailor their robes themselves, how would I make any profit?"  
  
Groaning, Tonks relented. "Look, I don't have all day. How about I give you the measurements plus an extra, say, ten sickles, you fix up the robes like a good shopkeeper, and I get back home before next year?"  
  
"Oh, all right, you don't have to be so touchy. Make it an extra galleon and it's a deal."  
  
"Why, you..." Tonks growled gutterally, almost inaudibly. "Fine," she agreed icily. Within ten minutes, she had purchased Remus a new set of dress robes in navy blue, plus a set of work robes in what seemed to be his favorite color, brown, and huffily stormed out of the shop, her belt pouch considerably lighter.  
  
Feeling a bit hungry, she looked around, squinting in the bright early afternoon sunlight, and finally found a deli across the street, which she made for, grabbing a bite for lunch. She was about to leave for Grimmauld Place when the sign of a shop at the end of the street caught her eye. Smiling to herself at the memory of what Remus had said to her earlier this morning, she made her way towards it, deciding to stock up, just in case.  
  
Rifling through a rack of thoroughly disgusting lacy night-things, rolling her eyes at the ability of the average woman to pretend she was comfortable in such frivolity, she heard another customer enter as the bell above the door rang. This certainly will not do, Tonks thought, holding out a see-through gown between thumb and forefinger, wrinkig her nose, and letting it fall back in queue.   
  
Finally finding something that pleased her, a simple black silk tank top and panties that matched, looking as though they would reveal just enough of her sexuality as to make Remus forgive her for not being girly enough, and a couple of simple cotton gowns in navy and deep purple, she headed for the cash register, only to see someone quite unexpected standing in her path.  
  
"Molly! What- um, what are you doing in here?"   
  
"Oh, hello, Tonks! Had to get the children's school things today, and I thought I'd stop in here on the way back to the Burrow," she answered absentmindedly. She was partially hidden behind the display she was admiring, of rather revealing teddies. Suddenly, she grabbed a couple of them in different colors and made for the dressing room. "Come chat?" she invited, and Tonks was too stunned to do anything but comply.  
  
Sitting on the bench outside the stall Molly had chosen, she listened to what Molly was saying: "Hmmm, I think I like the green best, but Arthur's favorite color was always red... And it's his birthday... So, Tonks, what brings you in here?"  
  
"I- er, I just wanted some new things, you know..."  
  
"In case Remus should change his mind, you mean."  
  
"Change his mind?" she replied, wondering what Molly meant.  
  
"About the whole sex thing. He probably thinks he's too old for anything like that, I suppose. Is that why you two haven't done anything yet? Oh, how is he, by the way? I know his transformation must have been aweful."  
  
"Oh- ah... he's fine... I gave him some potion; he should be sleeping it off right now. And, well, actually, we were planning to... oh, Merlin, Molly, this is so strange. Talking about all this with you, I mean." Even though Mrs. Weasley couldn't see her, Tonks knew that she must be able to hear her face burning redder and redder.  
  
Suddenly Molly, once again clad in her very homey green floral dress and brown pinafore, appeared outside the door of her stall.   
  
"Tonks, in case you hadn't noticed, I'm practically an expert on the subject." Her hands were on her hips, and she was wearing her familiar reprimanding expression, making it seem even less likely that this woman was approachable about a topic as innocent as love potions, much less outright sex. Lowering her head, she found that Molly wasn't through talking. "Look, dear, I may be a bit older than you, but if you ever feel like you need someone to talk you about this, I'm just a fireplace away. The only girl I've got is Ginny, and she's taken after Fred and George so... It would be nice to have someone to share secrets with. I know all the tricks- Desire Draught, contraceptive charms, Time-Telling Tonic..."  
  
Tonks nearly choked on her tongue. "Contraceptive charms?"  
  
Molly shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly, hanging the green garment back on the display rack and folding the red one over her arm. "Arthur and I wanted a big family." After paying for their purchases, the two women walked out of the store together, Molly still rambling on. "Remus doesn't strike me as the type of man who would be very quick to ease up at first, you know. You may need to do something to give him a bit of confidence. A cheering charm works well when your partner is stressed, I find. Going back to Grimmauld Place?" Tonks nodded. "Do you need me to come and help you with supper this week?"  
  
"Oh, er- no thanks. I think I'll be okay." Tonks wanted to get out of this severely embarassing situation as soon as possible; she made sure no one was watching her as she entered one of the fires along the corner of Knockturn and Diagon, Flooing back to Grimmauld Place.  
  
*****  
  
Remus awoke to an extremely unfamiliar sensation. He was feeling ill, more exausted than at any other time of the month, and very, very hungry. This was to be expected. But for the first time, instead of being left on a sofa and covered with a light afghan, waking up in the middle of a forest or, as had been the ritual every month from the ages of six to eleven, on the cold, stone floor of a dungeon cell in an ancient manor house in northern Scotland, he found himself nestled snug and warm beneath a pile of covers, fully dressed in clean, untorn clothes, and calmed and comforted by the sound of breathing coming from somewhere above him.  
  
"Tonks?" he whispered, slowly turning over and looking into her eyes, which were a very bright golden brown today, wondering briefly whether she just liked his own eyes that much or if she would rather have been his sister than his would-be lover.  
  
"Wotcher, Jack Nicholson?" she asked, giving him a small grin.  
  
"Oh, now I do hope I look better than him!" he snorted.  
  
"Infinitely," she replied lightly, kissing him on the nose as she pointed to the bedside table. "I brought breakfast," she smiled.  
  
"Is it edible?" he asked groggily.  
  
"Oh, shut up, Fuzzy. For once I actually got it right. Now, sit up."  
  
"Ah..." he attempted to follow orders, but couldn't for all he was worth. "I may require a bit of assistance..."  
  
"Hmph... should have known..." She reached a surprisingly strong arm behind his back and heaved, finally propping him up with several fluffy pillows. "Better?" She managed to lift the tray that held scrambled eggs (only slightly runny), toast (actually just barely not burned), milk (with only a few lines where it had run over the top of the glass), bacon (hey, it was food!), and a bar of Honeydukes chocolate (thankfully unopened and therefore unharmed) and placed it on his lap without tipping anything over. He sighed gratefully and (pardon the pun) wolfed it all down, stopping only when he had finished the last delectable square of chocolate.  
  
"You're a goddess." He captured her hand, which was reaching out to take his empty tray, and gave it a tender kiss. "Oh, and by the way, are you going to make sarcastic references to my lycanthropy every time I say something that displeases you?" He smiled winningly.  
  
"Who, me? Why would I ever do a thing like that?" Her grin matched his.  
  
Under the pretense of clearing her throat, she mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like "Furball."  
  
A few minutes after taking the tray back downstairs she reappeared in his doorwar carrying a bouquet of yellow roses, today's Daily Prophet, and a feather duster.  
  
"You'll be happy to know that Umbridge has been forced to resign," she said bouncily without preamble, thrusting the paper under his nose as she hopped over to his dresser and lightly ran the duster over the counter.  
  
"E-excuse me?" he stammered, the paper falling from his fingers onto the bed.  
  
"Read it, Remus. And happy birthday, Christmas, Boxing Day, new year, Easter, summer holiday, Bonfire Night, Halloween, et cetera, et cetera, all rolled into one." Her voice lilting as she spoke, she skipped around the dresser, arranging the bouquet in several different positions until it finally pleased her, at which point she jumped on her stomach onto the bed next to Remus (who was reading avidly), her head supported in her hands and her feet swinging madly behind her.  
  
'Minister of Magic Loses Once-Trusted Colleague   
  
'Ministry officials report that due to the unfortunate accident regarding a herd of Centaurs in the Forbidden Forest on the outskirts of Hogwarts Castle, Dolores Umbridge, Senior Undersecretary to the Minister and former Hogwarts High Inquisitor, Headmistress, and Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, is now realized to be unstable and therefore unfit to continue in her position.  
  
'"I've noticed some slight changes in her behavior," says the Minister himself, Cornelius Fudge. "She has become more irritable, more prone to verbal onslaughts, and generally a less competent and trustworthy colleague. In accordance with an action taken by members of my private council, it is my duty now to relieve her of her duties.  
  
'When asked if he had anyone in mind to fill the now-empty position of Senior Undersecretary, he did not realily comment, except to say, "I've given it a little thought, yes."  
  
'Madam Umbridge, on the other hand, had much to say on the subject of her firing when questioned by reporters, her most often-repeated sentence being, "This is an outrage!"   
  
'Umbridge plans to bring her case before the court, hoping to convince Madam Amelia Bones, Chief Justice of the Wizengamot, that she was fired without just cause. When Madam Bones was inquired as to her opinion on the subject, she was quoted as saying, "I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her, and I never have."  
  
'The Daily Prophet will keep you up-to-date on this situation as we receive more information.'   
  
"Dear God." Remus looked a bit faint as he let the paper drop to his side once again. Tonks knelt over him and grabbed his face in her hands, thrusting her tongue into his mouth with enthusiasm. He didn't protest.  
  
Pulling away from him with a big grin, she said, "I think this calls for a celebration. Who's up for a dance?" She began to do the Twist all around the bed, to the sound of Remus's laughter, and then she attempted the Electric Slide but tripped over her own feet and landed on the floor beside him. Giggling, she pulled herself up and met his eyes.  
  
"So why are you so happy about this? She never did anything against you, Tonks."  
  
"No, but there's nothing that makes me happier than a horrible person getting what's coming to them. And besides, whoever Fudge decides to hire next may not be such an intolerant prick..." Her voice dropped as she growled that last bit. "So, you know what that means?" she resumed cheerfully.  
  
"I don't want to get my hopes up," Remus stated flatly, looking a bit deflated. "After all, Fudge isn't exactly the most unbiased person in the world, himself. Whomever he hires is bound to be almost as bad as Umbridge."  
  
"Ah, yes, but you're forgetting something." He raised an eyebrow. "Now that You-Know-Who's returned, people are more apt to listen to Dumbledore than to Fudge, now they know he was right all along and all. So if Dumbledore gives Fudge advice, he's more likely than not to take it."  
  
"True. But whom do we know who works-... Arthur." His eyes closed, hardly daring to hope that his answer would be Fudge's answer as well. Because he remembered what the older man had told him as soon as he had learned of Umbridge's Werewolf Employment Restriction Act being passed: "If I ever got a hold of some of the power that woman weilds, that law would be the first thing to be amended." He tried to ignore the warm, fuzzy feeling that was spreading from his head to his toes.  
  
"Which means," Tonks continued, "that you'll be needing these soon, if we get our way. I'm glad I bought them when I did." She opened a white cardboard box at the foot of his bed, and pulled out something deep blue. In a minute she was holding up a navy wool robe, a pair of matching trousers, and a black vest. "Oh, and... I almost forgot..." She then opened another box under the first and produced a set similar to the first; only it was made in less formal, more durable material of dark brown. "I bought them hoping to give you a bit more diversity, but now that I know you'll be returning to work soon, it's even better."  
  
A lump had formed in Lupin's throat. He gazed up at her. "Take it back, Tonks," he whispered, feeling a tear about to slip down his face.  
  
"Nonsense, love. It's the least I can do."  
  
"No, it's... you can't afford this, and I don't need... please. It's too much." He gingerly touched the fine wool coat, and then drew back his hand quickly.  
  
"Remus, I'm not exactly a pauper. I can afford it, and I wanted to do something for you. I thought your chances of being effective might improve if you looked a little more... well to do. And I, for one, have been wondering to myself what wonders a good wardrobe revamping might do for your spirits. Now, mind you, these are not to be worn on the night of the full moon," she added, indicating his badly repaired robes folded inconspicuously atop his dresser.  
  
"Oh, erm... sorry. I usually... well, I usually find it easier if I undress before the transformation, but you wouldn't leave the room, so..."  
  
"Well, next month you won't have to worry about modesty, will you?" she asked, more to herself than to him. He caught it, however, and looked up at her sharply.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
She sighed. "I'm holding you to your word, Remus."  
  
"My word?" Then the realization hit him. "New moon," he whispered.  
  
"Look, I've been thinking, and I know you were very tired that morning, and probably didn't know what you were saying, and that night we kissed... well, I don't know what was going through your mind. But I'll tell you right now- when I said I loved you, I meant it. And I was hoping you meant it too, because I've been in love with you since before I met you, and even if you don't love me I still want to make love to you. I feel like you deserve it. And I feel like I deserve it."  
  
That night began flooding back to him, and the morning after, and his thoughts became clearer. "I did mean it." He took her hand in his, looking at her seriously. "I meant that I love you, and meant that I want to show you exactly how much." 'If that's possible,' he thought to himself. "But you... I didn't really think about you when I was saying it- I mean, I did, but I didn't intend to make you promise me something... like that. So I won't hold you to your word, if you're just doing this for my benefit."  
  
"Remus, I would have done it that first night, if you hadn't been so guarded. And I'd do it right now, if you weren't so weak. I'm not letting you back out on me now."  
  
"Oh, darling," he whispered, overcome with emotion as he feebly tugged at her arm and pulled her closer to him, his love pouring out into her in their kiss.  
  
A cry from downstairs caused them to break apart. "Nymphadora! Remus!" came Molly's screech.  
  
"I'll go down and see what she wants, then." Tonks drifted out the door dreamily.  
  
The two women entered his bedroom together a few minutes later, Tonks still looking vaguely happy, Molly in tears. The older woman raced to the bed and embraced a shocked Remus, sobbing into his shoulder. He patted her back, unsure of what was going on.   
  
"It's Arthur..." she managed.  
  
"Oh, Lord-" he began to panic. "What's happened; is he all right?"  
  
"He- he-" she hiccuped. "He's the Undersecretary to the Minister," she finally blurted, bawling even harder as he sat there stunned, not even responding when Tonks kissed him yet again, hard on the mouth. 


	5. New Moon

Chapter 5: New Moon  
  
The world seemed to be a very happy, peaceful place, those last few weeks of summer. Remus recovered from his last change within a week, and was back in action by the time Harry and company were escorted to Grimmauld Place. He and Tonks were trying desperately to keep their amour a secret affair, but somehow Mr. and Mrs. Weasley seemed to know, and Moody and Kingsley were about an inch away from announcing that they smelled something suspicious. Dumbledore couldn't not have known. He twinkled in their direction every time he came to Black Manor, where Tonks seemed to have made herself at home.  
  
The night of new moon was, as it happened, the night of Arthur's birthday celebration, which he and Molly hardly ever celebrated (except on their own, of course). This year, however, they had two things to celebrate: Arthur's birthday, and his new job as Undersecretary. So Molly had been bustling about headquarters, cleaning like crazy and planning menus, Tonks following her around at a safe distance, trying to be of assistance where she could.  
  
At six o'clock on August 12, Remus found himself in his room, examining his appearance in the dusty mirror inside his wardrobe. He usually avoided mirrors at all costs. But tonight he felt uncharacteristically unsure of himself, so he needed to reassure himself that he looked somewhat presentable.  
  
If only he posessed Tonks's rare ability to change her appearance at will. He couldn't help but notice the gray hairs that had been present practically since he had come of age, the lines on his face that had come from seeing and feeling too much pain at what should have been a happy time in his life, and the residue of that pain that lingered unfalteringly in his eyes, like a scar. She was so young. He only wished that she would never have to feel an ounce of his former misery.  
  
However, clad in a crisp white shirt, his new black vest and blue trousers, and slipping on his wool coat, he wondered if perhaps there was some truth to Tonks's opinion on the subject of his looks. He appeared, and indeed, felt, better than he had in years. The rich colors in his new clothes managed to make him look a bit less washed out than normal, and he felt delighted at having something to wear which didn't bear a thousand signs of poverty. He combed out his light brown hair, gawking at the near stranger in the looking glass and silently vowing that he would repay Tonks, and he would repay her a thousandfold, when the evening's festivities were over.  
  
Feeling very emotionally naked, he gave himself a final glance, looked about his room to see that everything was in order, and swept self- consciously out onto the landing.  
  
Tonks, who had been expecting him to wear his new favorite brown work robes, was won over in that instant if she hadn't been before. "Damn," she whispered to herself, not sure why. She was supposed it was because he looked better than she could stand, and it hurt her a little to see him.  
  
Hidden out of his view, she pulled a compact out of her pocket and gave herself a once-over, changing her hair a few times and finally settling for dignified, chestnut brown ringlets pulled out of her face into a graceful chignon. Her eyes were turquoise, matching her turquoise and black robes. Molly had pursuaded her to come shopping again with her, but this time there were fewer embarassing questions, so it hadn't been such a trial. She really had always admired Molly, after all, and found herself enjoying her company. Molly herself was wearing a dark red gown and gold slippers, and seemed alight with happiness as she bounded around, making sure everyone was well fed, watered, and entertained.  
  
Up until that moment the focus of the evening had been on Arthur. But as soon as Remus's lean form could be seen descending the stairs, the guest of honor took a back seat. Every single person stared at him, with expressions of awe, astonishment, and in Tonks's case, repressed desire.  
  
This was a moment in which the shy, reserved werewolf wanted to run away and hide, preferably someplace dark and snug. "Must find Tonks," he thought frantically; "Must find reason for getting through evening..."  
  
But he didn't have the chance, because the uncomfortable silence was broken by Mundungus Fletcher, who said, through a mouthful of Molly's pineapple casserole, "Who're you trying to impress, Rem? You look like a million galleons."  
  
He let this impertinent (however truthful) remark slide over him as he was bombarded with complements from everyone at least once, except from the one person he wanted to see more than any other, who wasn't anywhere in sight.  
  
And then, just when he was shaking hands with Arthur to congratulate him, he saw her. And everything else melted away.  
  
His sudden, jerking movement made as he caught sight of her didn't go unnoticed to Arthur, who looked around at her and then back at him. "A sight this evening, isn't she?" Remus nodded numbly, barely registering what he had just heard. "Of course," the older man cleared his throat, " she's not Molly," he said to himself. The werewolf didn't hear this last bit. Every single sense he posessed was employed in the worshipping of the beautiful woman who stood in the far corner of the room, and in the thought of what would take place between them in a few (interminable, he groaned inwardly) hours.  
  
Tonks couldn't stop herself from watching him. There was something so different about him tonight, something she had never noticed about him before. He seemed to be surrounded by a sort of youthful confidence, the gray in his hair invisible against his golden aura. The way he held himself, the way the candlelight in the chamber flickered in his eyes, the way he met her eyes and held her gaze for eternity, belonged to no age, to no time; it was the stance of a man who saw the thing he had been longing for, and who was waiting for the inevitable moment in which he would reach out and take it for his own, a state that had existed from the very moment when first men began to feel that hot surge of unbridled desire. And what Tonks didn't know was that her own aura matched his, and the light that surrounded him was flickering and reaching out and yearning to melt with her own radiance.  
  
Although she didn't realize this, a tiny voice in her head gently whispered to her that now, more than any other time, she deserved the name Nymphadora.  
  
They knew subconsciously that to come too closely to one another would result in a betrayal of their emotions to every person in the room. They stayed a safe distance apart, but never far enough away that they lost sight of one another. As much as both of them wanted to feel immensely happy for Arthur and Molly and the Weasley children who were all present, laughing mirthfully and chatting with Hermione, Harry, and all the members of the Order who were present in the house for the party, they couldn't feel anything but that persistent ache of passion.  
  
And after the longest measure of time either of them had ever endured, it was finally time for the other Order members to head out, for the children to go up to bed, for Molly to clean up and join her husband, and for Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks to finally meet one another's eyes once again, closing the distance between themselves at last in the empty room and wordlessly allow their lips to find each other's, then after a blissful minute, to disappear up the staircase to Remus's bedroom, holding hands, shutting the door behind them.  
  
"Shut the door, Remus," bid Tonks, looking up at him with unreadable eyes. He complied, murmuring a locking charm, and a silencing charm, and a few other precautions. Then he turned around to face her.  
  
"Can I ask you something?" Tonks's voice betrayed nothing of her emotions. This surprised Remus, who had expected her to sound as fluttered as he felt.  
  
"Of course," he answered breathily.  
  
"How long has it been for you?"  
  
He looked at her quizzically. "You mean, since..." She nodded.  
  
He sighed, and landed on the edge of the bed, running his hands through his hair. "Tonks, I really don't want to talk about it," came his very quiet reply. He was lost in thought, Tonks knew. She wanted to focus on the subject at hand, which was not his past, but his present. But this was something she had to know. Molly had made a comment about his past love life only once before, and she had been curious about it ever since.  
  
"I think I deserve to know, love."  
  
"No one deserves that." He sounded bitter.  
  
"What happened, Remus?" she pressed.  
  
"Look, this isn't why I'm up here- to talk about my past. I'm trying to reconcile certain mistakes that happened a long time ago, and- well, that's why I wanted to do this. One of the reasons."  
  
"I think you need to talk about it. Molly knows about it, and I think the other Order members know about it, too. So I feel like I have a right to know. You can't hold this in forever." It was like talking to her schoolmates about her brother for him, she realized. She quickly put the memory of his death out of her head.  
  
"She died, Tonks." It came out in a whisper. It was the admission of one more death he had faced. "It's another one of those things people feel sorry for me about. I must sound really pitiful, I suppose. I've just seen too damn much." He breathed heavily for a moment. "Look, tonight, now I think about it, really isn't such a good night. It's the night when I'm most human." He held his head in his hands, a fresh wave of mourning for Sirius, and for Lily and James and for his Dana overpowering him. This had certainly never happened before. Why did he pick now? He had been waiting for Tonks forever.  
  
"Remus, please, don't cry. We... we don't have to talk about it if you don't..."  
  
"Tonks, you're right." Remus heaved a great sigh. "You do have a right to know." He patted the bed beside him, before beginning.  
  
"Who was she?" Tonks whispered. Her eyes had become their own liquid green again, the green she only showed to him.  
  
"Her name was Dana," he answered, hesitating before saying anything else. "She was... she was a werewolf, like me. Do you know that there are wolves in the Forbidden Forest, Tonks?"  
  
"I've heard that," she murmured.  
  
"She was there when I was in school. They- the wolves, that is- can't leave during full moon. Their lair was bewitched by the Ministry ages ago to keep them away from the grounds of Hogwarts. But the Ministry couldn't drive them out of the Forest. They had been there too long."  
  
"They didn't attend the school, did they?"  
  
"No. I was the first." He unfastened his cufflinks, his mind not in this room, with this woman. "Dana was a few years older than I was. Sirius and James and Peter and I wandered too far into the Forest one day and there she was, with two of her brothers. I... I fell in love with her. I was sixteen, and almost of age. We promised we would be together, since we couldn't be married..."  
  
"Why not?" Tonks gasped, enraptured by his speech and quite having forgotten their intended lovemaking.  
  
"She was a hereditary werewolf. Their society is vastly different from ours. They have castes and marriage laws and all sorts of things. I was an outsider. She was the daughter of a pack leader. It never would have worked, and we knew it."  
  
"But how did she die?"  
  
Remus swallowed audibly. "Supposedly, we don't yet know." Tonks furrowed her brows. "There was a massacre. No one knows who was responsible, but we can pretty well guess."  
  
"Who?" Tonks breathed.  
  
"Our friends at the Werewolf Capture Unit, of course. And you can guess who put them up to it."  
  
"Umbrage?" Lupin nodded. "I see." Tonks put her arm around him.  
  
"Just something we're used to, Tonks."  
  
"I didn't think it ever got that bad, Rem. We never read about it in the Prophet." He laughed sadly at her words. "Does this kind of thing happen a lot?"  
  
"Not that often. Less now than in the past. We're not exactly the most popular of beasts."  
  
"Beings," Tonks admonished him gently. He looked up at her, and met her gaze. She was so different from Dana. Dana, even when she was alive, was a dark, fierce woman, powerful and feminine and feral. But Tonks was his light. Tonks was warm, and made his heart dance. He didn't want to think about his old love anymore. Not tonight, at least.  
  
He leaned in and kissed her softly. She placed her hand on his cheek and returned the kiss more persistently. Ever so slowly and reluctantly, he broke away. "I don't want tonight to be overshadowed by my past, Tonks. You know that right now all I want is you."  
  
"I know." She gave him a small smile. "I want you too, Moony."  
  
He suddenly felt very good, and smiled back dangerously. "Can you restrain yourself long enough to take off your own robes, or shall I use my fangs?"  
  
"That doesn't sound like a bad idea to me," she purred.  
  
Aaaaah! The suspense! Will they ever finally do the deed, as they say????  
  
Stay tuned to the next installment to find out!  
  
p.s. Sorry it took so darn long to update... I was running low on inspiration, but hoorah, I found some hiding away under my bed and added it to my secret stash, so here you go! By the way, if you haven't checked out my newer RL/NT, Housewarming, please do. It's quite good!  
  
-DSB 


	6. A Beginning

Woe of Aftermath By A Darker Shade of Bright  
  
And now, the moment we've all been wating for... I tried to make this seem as realistic as possible, but I'm not exactly the best person for this particular job, so... bear with me. And enjoy the final installment of Woe of Aftermath...  
  
Chapter 6: A Beginning  
  
He leaned in and kissed her softly. She placed her hand on his cheek and returned the kiss more persistently. Ever so slowly and reluctantly, he broke away. "I don't want tonight to be overshadowed by my past, Tonks. You know that right now all I want is you."  
  
"I know." She gave him a small smile. "I want you too, Moony."  
  
He suddenly felt very good, and smiled back dangerously. "Can you restrain yourself long enough to take off your own robes, or shall I use my fangs?"  
  
"That doesn't sound like a bad idea to me," she purred.  
  
Tonks stood up, her legs already beginning to tremble. She unlaced the front of her robes, absorbed in what she was doing, before she realized that Remus was gazing at her, hungrily anticipating her every move.  
  
"Remus," she started, her voice suddenly unnaturally shy. "Aren't you going to...?"  
  
"I'm having too much fun watching you, love," Remus finished for her, leering in a teasing way. But she could see that he wasn't lying. She decided she should make this worthwhile for him, considering the circumstances.  
  
Slowly sliding out of her robes, Tonks was left wearing a silky nightdress- looking garment, jet black and quite provocative. Molly had discovered it. Tonks found herself simultaneously cursing and praising that woman. She slipped first one strap, then the other, off her shoulders, and as the garment fell off her thin body she heard Remus's sharp intake of breath-  
  
Dear God, she was beautiful. Apparently she hadn't anything on under that dress, because now she was here before him, completely naked and bathed in an ethereal light, her natural black hair spilling over her shoulders and drawing his eyes down...  
  
And Remus was painfully aware of exactly how much older than her he was. When he found his voice again, he looked plaintively in her eyes and said, "Tonks, men my age are generally incapable of attracting women like you."  
  
"I could say the same thing about clumsy young girls and men like you," Tonks answered shakily. Remus noticed that her usually upbeat demeanor had disappeared the moment the two of them had entered the bedroom. "I guess we're lucky we've got each other."  
  
Groaning in reply, Remus took her hands and stood up, wrapping his arms around her again, but this time savoring every touch of her bare skin beneath his hands. He could tell she needed him, by the way she moaned every so often and by the way she refused to let her lips part from his. Soon she was scrambling to get him out of his own clothes, which caused him to break their kiss abrubtly. "Erm, Tonks..." he said between heavy breaths.  
  
"Remus, you weren't expecting to remain clothed all night, were you?" Tonks murmured against his neck, a sensation he found to be a bit too arousing for comfort. Then she promptly reached her hands underneath his shirt, trying to touch him but only making contact with an undershirt. When she pulled the undershirt up and almost touched his skin Remus pulled away from her. Tonks looked confused, and overall very aroused. "Not fair, Rem," she said softly and pouting her swollen lips.  
  
"Tonks, maybe it's best if I do that part." Remus looked at her painfully; his look was matched by the one Tonks gave him in return.  
  
In her silence, he sat down on the bed, removing his shoes and socks. First things first. Then he unbuttoned his robes, laying them neatly on a chair, followed by his shirt. As he had watched Tonks, now she was watching him, but with less hunger and more curiosity. It was just as well, he reflected, that she should see it. She had seen him transform, after all. It was just a scar. A horrible scar, but a scar nonetheless. He removed his trousers, and finally lifted up his undershirt.  
  
After one appraising look, Tonks met his eyes again. "Well, go on then. You're not quite finished yet."  
  
She was back to normal, he thought happily, dropping his drawers with only the slightest hint of apprehension before Tonks came and pressed her body against his and captured his lips again.  
  
This was absolute heaven.  
  
It had been eight long years since he had felt the warmth of a woman, and now here was the young, lithe creature named Nymphadora pressing her bare breasts against him, her long legs parted slightly and her hips meeting his and reminding him how wonderful it really felt, to be with someone you love. He lowered her onto the bed and lost every rational thought amidst her scent, and her taste, and her soft skin.  
  
Tonks murmured into his mouth, barely audible over their breathing. "Touch me, Remus." She spread her legs beneath him tantalizingly, and he felt unsure of himself once again.  
  
"I was never very good at this," he confessed, plodding foreward anyway. With a hesitant hand, he traced a line up her thigh and between her legs, drawing a quiet whimper from her. He was searching for what he knew to drive her over the edge, waiting for her to direct him there, and she did.  
  
"Oh, yes... just a little lowe—ah!" She bucked her hips in response. He almost pulled his hand away, but she glared at him and he decided to keep it there, for his health's sake. "You're a bit rusty at this, aren't you, Remus?"  
  
"Hmmm..." He was busy concentrating.  
  
"You don't have to think about it, you know," she giggled breathily. "You're doing fine."  
  
At this point she lifted her own nimble fingers between his legs, and all was lost. To stop himself from crying out or breaking away from her burning hands tormenting him, he took her in a passionate, bruising kiss that shocked her for a moment.  
  
Remus took the moment to recover his hand's place between her soft folds, running his thumb over her entrance and upwards to her bud. Tonks lowered her mouth away from his lips and began to nuzzle his neck tenderly, her hot breath coming out ragged and letting him know she was close to release. He was aching, throbbing for her, and her light touch against his hardness had worsened his condition in the extreme. He had to have her now...  
  
He lifted his hands and rested then on her hips, and Tonks knew that he was ready to enter her. She shuddered in anticipation, savoring even his hesitance. He looked her firmly in the eye to make sure she was ready, a thing which, were he less of a gentleman, he would have taken for granted. Wrapping her arms around his shoulders and lifting her hips slightly, she gasped as she felt even the barest tip of his manhood outside of her entrance and it made her tingle.  
  
Within moments he was inside her, and both of them moaned at the feeling of being joined like this for the first time together. Remus knew this wasn't Tonks's first time, but he was aware of how tightly she encompassed him, and how excellent it felt to be like this and know that for now only the two of them existed. He drew out a little and then back in with a force, entering and reentering, and Tonks seemed to be beyond making any noise. Her head was thrown back, and she was rather still and waiting. "Please tell me you're close," he begged, conscious that he would burst any second now and that he was only holding back for her sake.  
  
"Oh, Remus- oh... ah... hmmm..." He didn't stop his motions, but when her breathing became a little slower, he took one of his hands and placed it behind her head, kissing her lightly on the mouth.  
  
"You really are incredible, Tonks." He paused for a moment, unaware that Tonks would have none of it. Grinning at him, she threw her legs around him and he felt himself plunging in her again with renewed fervor, so near his climax that it hurt him a little to move.  
  
"Oh, God..." He could feel it coming, and Tonks knew it was too, holding onto his hips as if she wanted to keep all of his seed inside her. With a gasp, and a jolt foreward, he felt as though he were being portkeyed away into the most peaceful place he had ever encountered.  
  
He rolled over next to her, completely spent and covered in a layer of perspiration from his exertion. They lay there for a few minutes, just breathing and thinking and being. And then Tonks turned her head to look at him, and Remus looked at her, and both of them raised quizzical eyebrows.  
  
Tonks began laughing, followed by Remus. He found the strength to roll back over and take her into his arms, and nothing could have matched their joy at that moment.  
  
"Was it so bad, love?" he asked her, playing with her hair. "Being with an old wolf like me?"  
  
"Dreadfully frightning, Remus," she answered with a sweet smile and a beautiful laugh. "Quite wonderful, really. I think I've lost my taste for normal people."  
  
"I lost my taste for normal people the minute I met you," he replied, kissing her forehead. "Tonks, can I ask you something?" She nodded. "Do you think we should tell people? About us, I mean?"  
  
"Well, some of them know already," Tonks answered guiltily.  
  
"Molly and Arthur, you mean?"  
  
"I think the whole Weasley clan is beginning to suspect. And Mad Eye, and Kingsley. And Dumbledore."  
  
"Should we just make this public, then?"  
  
"Well, would anyone have a problem with it? Or us? With a war going on and all?"  
  
"It's happened before, Tonks. I just... I don't like keeping things secret. It feels dishonest."  
  
"I don't mind telling people if you don't. I have no secrets," Tonks boasted proudly, grinning her signature grin.  
  
"Alright, then, it's settled. We can tell them later."  
  
"How much later?"  
  
"As soon as it becomes a decent hour of the morning, and we are both fully clothed," Remus stated wryly. "But I think both of us need sleep right now."  
  
Tonks smiled, and they settled under the covers and charmed out the candles on the nightstands. And they fell asleep together. And Remus felt more human than ever before.  
  
THE END... Or is it... A Beginning? I feel a sequel coming on! 


End file.
